Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Once upon a time, there was another really horrifying story...

In about a week and a half, the church I attend is honoring the men and women who have volunteered in the last year.  The event is called "The Big Show," aka "the Vollys," and if you don't remember last year's tutorials, please check them out!

The event is formal, so most of the women who are attending have been thinking of what dress to wear, hair, makeup- the usual.  But doing what I do, I do a lot of hair and makeup for formal events- and in the next week you'll read a few suggestions.

The Big Show is a bit earlier this year by a few months, and perhaps the invite caught some people off-guard.  If the recipients are anything like me, they gained a few pounds over the holidays; and the idea of wearing a formal dress right now is not the most thrilling.  Either a well timed crash-diet is in order, or you need to focus all the more on hair and makeup.  And this reminds me of a story.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a poor college student named Rachel.  She worked hard, volunteering at her church, making passing grades at her school, and working 20 hours a week at her local Starbucks (the maximum for international students).

Rachel rarely had extra money, but when she did, she chose to spend it on things like very large slices of cheesecake, CDs, and gummy snakes.  She could not be bothered with buying train tickets, paying her roommates back for prepaid phone cards, or planning for the future at all.  She was after all, 21- and living in a strange land.  If there was ever a time irresponsibility deserved to dwell, it was then and there.

At the end of term, there was a formal banquet she was to attend.  Earlier in the year, Rachel chose a dress from a sale rack.  It was a gold-toned halter dress, made of matte jersey.  It had a drop-waist and came just below the knee.  She tried the dress on, and it fit perfectly, with only one glitch: undergarments.

From all of that cheesecake Rachel had been eating, she developed a very ample bosom.  She had never found strapless bras to be very effective for her size, and it didn't matter at the time, as she had no money.  So Rachel stood in her small living room, and tried every trick of the trade known to womankind.  She tried cutting straps off of bras, band aids, tank-tops, and finally settled on two squares of toilet paper, suspended by nothing else but the subtle pressure of matte jersey.  Then she resolved that she must make her hair as large and obnoxious as possible to detract from the fact that she was wearing toilet paper for a bra.  Something like... a straw set.

The event hosted around 900 guests and she changed in the restroom (she was early- did I mention she was an emcee???) .  She emerged from the stall in toilet-papered glory, and while twirling to be sure everything was in tact, she discovered that her old, faithful leopard print undies were completely bunched up under her dress.  She pulled, tugged, and thought of how another square of tp could remedy the situation.  Hopeless, she yanked the undies off, put them in her bag, and bravely headed to the stage with nothing but a swatch of fabric, toilet paper, and really fabulous hair.

The night went off without a glitch, and despite walking with robot-like discomfort, all she heard all night was how amazing her hair looked.

The End.

It is my hope that no one's situation is that desperate (and if it is, call me), but please stay tuned for great ideas for your hair in the next week.  I can't wait to see all of my friends dolled up and decked out.

Have a great day!

Rachel Bee

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