I have friends. Real ones.
Three, at the very least.
The kind who love me at my core.
As a young girl, I almost happily retired to my room. I filled my days with art and music, Jesus and Barbies- but friends? Well, sort of. I had church friends- ones who would come home with me between Sunday services. Some of them were great people, but others- well, not that they were complete crap- but perhaps hadn't reached maturity enough for proper relationship development.
We were selfish. Notice I put a "we" in there.
I had some school friends, who were friends Monday-Friday, 8:15-3:30. We never called each other or did anything, really. Most of them didn't understand my home life- or maybe I was embarrassed as my high school life didn't exactly line up with my home life.
Throughout the years, genuine friendships have mostly eluded me. When I would get my grasp on one, I would hold it so tightly that jealousy and co-dependence usually choked it out. I felt very alone, very weird and unworthy- if someone showed any interest in me, I became fearful that I would scare her away. This usually meant a metamorphosis of sorts on my part- until we broke up, and I left myself with an identity crisis.
*Note, if you are someone who considers yourself a childhood friend of mine- there were a few, and you know who you are. I am not intending to discount our relationships*
Yesterday I spent most of my day with people I really love. People whom I might even call "friends." Some of them are co-workers, some of them church people- my husband- but all of them people who are on my team.
I have determined that much has changed since my childhood. Here, with 31 years under my belt- a husband, child, and a few triumphs and tragedies later- I am secure enough to nurture a few relationships. Selfishness and jealousy are never far off, but I am better. In our age, I think we all are better.
So, now I lift my morning coffee cup in a toast: "Here's to hours of mindful and mindless chatter; here's to laughing at the silliest of things; here's to thoughtful cards and gifts- to butter, sugar and flour- to encouragement and praise, admonishment and correction. Here's to "two" being better than "one." My friends- to many, many more years- I say, Cheers!"
May beauty and life envelop your day!