Thursday, October 20, 2011

Wardrobe malfunctions and mishaps... and a knitted hat pattern!

Yesterday I got ready for work in the usual way, after running my ensemble through a few points of criteria.*

1.  Cleanliness: What is clean?
2.  Thickness:  What did I eat the night/day before?
3.  Season: What is the technical season?
4.  Temperature:  Uh... temperature.  Average temperature.
5.  Whimsy:  How creative do I want to be?
6.  Wild card:  Do I have anything new; have I put on some committal makeup?

And this is how I answered these questions...

1.  I just did laundry.  Everything is clean.  Information overload.
2.  Despite finishing P90x, I gained about 5 lbs. this summer.  And no, it was not muscle weight.  It was rear-not-fitting-into-pants weight.  I have lost half of it, so I am feeling OK there.
3.  It is technically fall.  No white pants, strappy sandals, etc.
4.  It felt like summer.  Not hot summer, but summer.
5.  I was feeling moderately whimsical, but not brave.  Maybe a necklace or funky shoes.
6.  Yes!  I have a skirt a friend gave me, and I need to wear it before it gets too cold.

So the winner was a white v-neck t-shirt tucked into said skirt, a necklace with a large ribbon charm, and some cute Irregular Choice shoes.  Nothing too weird, but typical for a Wednesday at work.

*This process doesn't take me more than the average 3-5 minutes, depending on trial and error.

I work at a salon in Martinez, GA, and have for just over a year.  Yesterday was no unusual day, and I had the pleasure of doing my very favorite friend's hair.

And as she was sitting in this middle chair...

...I turned around quickly to mix up some toner for her blonde.

And my cute little shoes meeting the shiny laminate caused me to not just fall, but fall hard.

I fell on my butt like a toddler.  A big, fat toddler without a diapered butt.  As I lie on the floor, my friend came over and asked, "What can I do??"

"Uh, could you erase the mental picture you have of me falling on my rear permanently from your brain??"

I have a feeling she cannot.  And even now she is snickering to herself, although she is way to good a friend to do it in the moment.

Despite legs full of varicosities, I have never possessed too much common sense about shoes.  I am not a complete idiot, as I would never wear stilettos to work- but you will never find this girl under the age of 50 wearing Clarks or Danskos.

Sorry.  But this was not my only fashion blunder yesterday.  Uh, it got cold.  And as the wind licked at my legs, flipping my insubstantial skirt every-which-way, I thought of the child I put in shorts that morning.  Ugh... what a parent!

So as we are going into colder seasons, I thought that you all might like a simple hat pattern that requires NO circular needles, just simple knitting and perling.  And heck, you really don't even need to perl.  Just grab some good wool, cotton, or bamboo (only natural fibers, please!), some 10's and get to knitting!

Easy Hat (adapted from Stitch and Bitch Patterns)

1 skein Debbie Bliss Full of Sheep
US 14 knitting needles
Yarn needle for stitching up the sides

Cast on 38 (50, 54, 58) sts.*
Work 22 (29, 32, 35) rows in stockinette (or however you would like).

Shape crown:
Row 1: K2tog, K2; repeat to end
Row 2: P2tog, P1; repeat to end
Row 3: Knit to end.
Row 4: Perl to end.
Row 5: K2tog to end.
Row 6: P2tog to end.

Break off the yarn with a 15"-20" tail.  Thread through a yarn needle.  Thread the needle through the remaining live stitches and pull them tight, and then stitch the two sides of the hat together.  I like to do this with my work inside out (perl side facing me).  When you are at the bottom, secure the end so that it doesn't unravel.  Thread the loose yarn into the hat.

Yeah!  You are done.
*The first measurement is for a large 3 year old.  The other are more adult in size.

So, as one can tell, I have adjusted my elements for dressing a wee bit; but I still can't make a reasonable enough argument for a #7: Practicality.

Rachel Bee.

1 comment: