Cupcake disaster.

"Cupcake" and "disaster" are two words that should never be in  the same sentence, but I have paired them way too many times since I started baking.

Exhibit "A."

- A pitcher of what should have been cupcakes.  Instead they were something that looked like biscuits, and felt like briquets.  They are Lemon Ricotta Muffins, and they were going to get a healthy smear of cream cheese frosting.  The last time I made these, I swooned as they were the most delicious and texturally beautiful treat I have ever eaten (I say that a lot).  When one takes a cupcake or muffin out of its pan, she should be afraid of squishing it's little body, as they should be delicate and tender.  I took these out of the tin, and they were (even fresh from the oven) hard and- well, hard!  Why?  I learned that day that I should never bake these in double batches.  It is a very thick (understatement) batter, almost like biscuit dough; so it is very easy to over mix.  And I did.  Lots and lots.

Langston ate them.

Well, not all of them.

And onto Exhibit "B."

These are Sour Cream Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream.

Disaster, right?  I even put sprinkles on them!

OK.  These weren't a disaster in the way they taste.  I think.  I didn't eat one, but I did try the batter, and that stuff was pretty amazing!  The disaster was in the delivery.

I have a friend named "E."  If I could say one thing about her, I would say that she is "friendly."  Casual in style and demeanor, open in heart, always willing to help a friend, never vain and always beautiful- insightful, scholarly, and not above eating a cupcake- E's birthday was last Thursday; and she got nothing from me aside from a "wall post."

Bad.  Friend.

So, as we both sing together, it was my goal to bring a dozen cupcakes to vocal rehearsal last night to celebrate her passed birthday.  I figured I could get rid of maybe 4 of them, and rest I would pawn off on some unsuspecting soul (who is probably on a diet).  And then the madness began.

1.  E arrived late, so I wasn't able to explain to her that I had made her cupcakes.
2.  Vocal rehearsals ended, and immediately 10 kids came in to rehearse a song.
3.  Add 6 people more when the band arrived simultaneously.
4.  Minus half of the vocalists who left without cupcakes (who probably would have refused them anyway).
5.  By this point, I am thinking, "What was I thinking?"
6.  Add child whom I love asking me "Who are the cupcakes for?"  DRAT!  The children have spotted the cupcakes!
7.  Add my own child being, well, my own child.
8.  Add another child asking about the cupcakes.
9.  Add a musician asking about cupcakes.

Eleven cupcakes, in need of a loaves-and-fishes miracle, and no one with the faith to do it.  I am panicking!

"Well, what happened?"

Langston needed to leave, so I looked at one of the kids (all but one family of kids have left by now) and said, "Make sure E gets one, and then ask your mom if and when you can have one."  And I left.  Eleven cupcakes and 15 people.

What a mess.

How embarrassing.

Happy Birthday, friend, and I will do something successfully nice for you soon.

Chocolate Sour Cream Cupcakes (adapted from Sweetapolita)
*makes 24 cupcakes:)

6 Ounces unsalted butter, softened
2 cups dark brown sugar (I used light brown and it was fine)
2 t vanilla extract
3 large eggs, at room temp
8 ounces (1 3/4 c) all purpose flour
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 1/4 t baking soda
1 t baking powder
1 t salt
1 1/2 c sour cream
1/4 c mayonnaise

One recipe Chocolate Fudge Frosting

Cream together butter, sugar, and vanilla (about 5 minutes) until light and fluffy.  Add in eggs, one at a time, until incorporated.

Whisk together all of the dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl.  Add to your butter mixture, alternating with the sour cream, beginning and ending with the flour.  You might (I know I did) need to help your batter by hand, as it will be really, really thick.

After everything is incorporated, fold in the mayo (yes, mayo).  You will not regret this addition.  It adds so much moisture!

Bake in the oven for 16-18 minutes at 350.

After cooling, frost those cupcakes, and please- if you are going to "be confectionate" with them, make enough for the whole crowd.

Rachel Bee, happy with tomorrow's delicious post in her belly.

Fight those calories and women who bear cupcakes!

It is nearly ten minutes until 6 AM, and I already can tell that today is going to be a good day.

How can I be so sure?  Well, I am drinking coffee from my favorite cup, and carrot muffins have delighted their way into my oven, and soon one (or two) of them will be in my belly.  OK.  Probably just one.  I plan to go for a run this afternoon, weather permitting, and we have a photoshoot this evening with a good (however new) friend (again, weather permitting).

The point of this particular post is not to lure you with muffins and coffee, but the opposite, really.  Or is it?  I can't be sure.  What I am getting at is that yesterday morning, I asked a friend what sort of cupcakes I should bring to our very last small group meeting Wednesday morning, which began a dialogue.

You see, I have been struggling to deliver cupcakes to people since the start of the year, as a small gathering of dedicated men and women have joined together to slim down as a contest of sorts.  Some of them have done incredibly well, and now, during the last week of said "contest," they are really trying to keep the momentum going.  And I think it is great.

Really, I do.

Really: to the point of tears.  There is very little that makes me happier than people who conquer their food issues.  All of us who have done it know that it is an ongoing battle, but it can be done; and... and... I really am struggling with where to go here.  Pictures.

This is me, now(ish):

Remember, from yesterday?

This is me 10 years ago:

Yes.  On the left.  More?  OK.

Someone told me a pixy was a good idea.  And one more...

Geez.  I am hoping this was just the worst angle ever.  I thought that shirt made me look thin.  EESH.

First of all, let me tell you what I was doing 10-12 years ago.  I was in Bible college in middle Tennessee, and I was not happy.  I went there for three reasons:

1.  If I went, I got to keep my car (if I went to Converse where I was already enrolled with scholarships, my car stayed at home).
2.  I chose Converse because... well, Converse had no essay on its application.
3.  Converse was an all-girls' liberal arts school and would 8 years of single-sex education make me into a lesbian?

I admit, all ridiculous reasons.  All RIDICULOUS reasons.

I struggled at this Bible school to fit into the mold of what was a "godly woman," in my vintage clothes and pixy-cuts, questions about EVERYTHING, and hormones that were simply going wild.  When I entered Bible school, I was not thin, nor had I ever been; but I was curvy, and carrying my weight in "all the right places."  I was not proud of my figure in the mid-to-late 90's, when Kate Moss's boyish physique was at the height of glamour, but I could put on a nice dress and still feel good about myself.

At this Bible school, there was an honor code of no drinking, smoking, etc., but in my quest to rebel, I found myself at every 24-hour restaurant; sometimes two or three in a night, eating up every greasy treat I could find.

"Haha!  I am up past my bedtime!  Eat that!  Ooh...don't mind if I do."

The summer after graduation, I made a major error in judgement, and this error caused me to binge even more.  I remember looking in the mirror at this point and thinking, "I am officially fat."

For the next five years, I went back and forth between "curvy" and "fat," until the summer of 2004. It was then while sitting on a sofa, watching my 8th hour of television with my future husband, that I had an epiphany: I was gross.  I joined the gym the following day, and never looked back.

It took me about 7 months to lose 40 lbs., and nearly seven years, a baby, and a baking obsession later, I have managed to keep it off.  There have been times in those 7 years that have been much harder than others: more obsessive, and more unhealthy.  There have been times I have catalogued calories, times I have worked out 3 hours in a day, and times I have stepped on the scale upwards of 20 occasions in a morning.  I really did think that losing that weight would solve so many problems, but for the 2 people who think I am cooler because I am thin, there are 3 who think I can "never relate" to weight issues because I am thin.

Yes, I eat cake, and cupcakes, and muffins, and by extension white flour and sugar.  No, I don't drink my calories, I don't eat fast food hamburgers, and no more gummies (the WORST candy ever), high fructose corn syrup or trans fat.  I eat between 1200-1500 calories a day (1200 if I don't work out, 1500 if I do), and sometimes I blast those totals out of the water, and it really bothers me.  I am incredibly aware of what is in EVERYTHING I eat, and this knowledge (I believe) is what keeps me small.

All of this to say, eat a cupcake.  Or eat half of one.  Or eat it and (God forbid) don't eat lunch.  Don't replace cupcakes for lunch everyday, but you are a grown-up.  You can eat a cupcake for lunch if you want to.   I tell myself that at least once a week, and it makes me happy.

So there you have it.  Stay the course, and fight those calories and (if you must) women who bear cupcakes.  You can do it!

Rachel Bee

A night that warranted a week off...

All or most of you know that Friday night a week ago, my church had a special event called "The Big Show."

Many churches have a volunteer banquet of some sort, but this evening was so much more than a dinner buffet over sterno warmers.  It was a full-on award show a la Golden Globes, with a catered meal served at round tables; and (I am sure) the very best green beans I have ever tasted in my entire life.

I know.  It is weird to give the first of my compliments to the green beans, but they were heaven.  I have a source who might divulge whatever sweetness made them irresistible.  Then I will keep the recipe to myself, and eat nothing but green beans for the rest of my life.

Despite the event being in it's first year, I would say that it went off so well, and everyone looked amazing. I had so many people come up to me to say that they were "wearing my eyes" or  how they had pinned up their hair per my instruction, and it made me feel so warm.  Thanks to all of you who brighten my life.  Really.

And those of you who were there also saw way too much of me, as I played "Miss Big Show," or the stage manager in a pink dress.  I (not always so gracefully) handed out awards to presenters, and made eyes at the sexy photog in the back of the room.  You can all guess who he is.

Here are a few pics of what I did with my hair and makeup for the night...

I told my friend, Stephanie, to give me a style I could not do on myself; so with a deep breath, a few pins, and a handful of weave: she went.

Sorry, Steph.  These were taken at around 10:30 PM, about 8 hours after you pinned my hair up.

Here is a pic of me, award in hand...

...and a guy named "J." And that was not my award, if there is any confusion.  The "awards" were given to people who had shown extraordinary effort in whatever ministry they are a part of.  They are called "Vollys."

From "volunteer."

Oooooh.

And here I am with my beloved dad, who IS single by the way...

I wish you all could see my shoes.  They are adorable, and look like the ones worn in "Dirty Dancing."

As we are going on about the Big Show, I would be remiss not to say that I went through 11.5 pounds of sugar last week, making these...

And these...

Chocolate Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Swiss Meringue Buttercream.  The toppers were little gumpaste stars with gobs of edible glitter and a little pearl inset.  They sparkled beautifully against the low lights, and I am told they tasted just fine.  Or good.  I did not try one.  When you make 168 of something, you have eaten plenty.  And this, the most unflattering picture of me, is a great snapshot of what one's kitchen looks like after baking 168 cupcakes.

Really.  Could it look worse?

It was fun, and all I can say, and state, and reiterate, is that I love my church.  It is a generous group, and I would bake a million cupcakes for them.  And if it wasn't incredibly inappropriate, I would take my pastor by the face, and squeeze it up against mine (like cheek to cheek: nothing funny).  And while I am completely violating his personal space, I would say, "thank you, thank you, thank you.  I really am having a blast."

What a good idea it was to show me back to Jesus.

Really.  Thanks, Brent.

Have a good one, all.

Rachel Bee

Get into the van...

As you all may have gathered, I am a busy girl.  I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, stylist, knitter, baker, and song writer.  I like to picture myself as a mother of 9, driving all of my kids around in a gigantic blue van.  Each of my children gets her time in the front seat.  We chit-chat; labouring over dreams, successes, and failures.  Our heart-to-heart lasts until either one of my other babies clamours for attention, or I am simply annoyed, fed up, or even disappointed with our time.

Usually, life in the van is without major incident, but last week we picked up a pesky little hitch-hiker, by name: "The Cold."  He was malodorous, obnoxious, and selfish; not willing to share the front seat with anyone.  Sometime yesterday we pried him from the vehicle, and now I have 9 neglected and malnourished babies to care for.

Yikes.

So lets begin with a strawberry cake recipe, shall we?

Strawberry Cupcakes

Strawberry Cake

2 cups white sugar
1 package strawberry gelatin
1 cup butter, softened
4 eggs (room temperature)
2 3/4 cake flour
2.5 t baking powder
1/4 t salt
1 c whole buttermilk
1 t vanilla extract
1/2 cup strawberry puree

Preheat oven to 350.  Prepare your pans.

Cream together sugar, gelatin, and butter for 5-7 minutes, until light and fluffy.  Beat in eggs, one at a time, until fully incorporated.  Stir in vanilla.

Mix flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.  In another, mix together buttermilk and puree.  Add the dry and wet ingredients to the butter mixture, alternating between the two; beginning and ending with the flour.  Scrape the bowl between additions.

Divide between pans and toss into the oven, baking...

25 (or so) minutes for 2 8" rounds
15 (or so) for cupcakes

I say "or so" because I do not trust my oven sometimes, so I always start checking for doneness about 5 minutes beforehand.  These cakes look very moist, almost undone when they are finished.  Make sure you check with a tooth pick.

For the frosting I used the recipe found here for Marshmallow Frosting, but I added some pink food color.  You could also do a Cream Cheese Frosting (without the lime zest), or a Swiss Meringue Buttercream, but please, do not be fancy and try to add  too much strawberry puree to butter-based frosting.  It will separate and end up in the trash.

And you will cry.

Couldn't you just leave well enough alone?  It was pink!  It was sweet!  It had little strawberry seeds in it, making it adorable!

But you just had to add another tablespoon, didn't you?

Oh.  Sorry.  I digress.

So, enjoy this Strawberry Cake.  It tastes like spring.  It is pink.  It is delicious.

And maybe a skein or two of yarn can make it into the front seat of the van this evening.

Have a beautiful Monday.

Rachel Bee