Really, just everything.

Last night Langston woke up screaming, as if he had vomited or had a very awful dream.  We lied on the sofa together for the rest of the night, although at 2:00 am, I really felt like I could have started my day.  My day is so full, beginning at 8:30 with one of those heads of hair that is otherworldly; a head of hair that is, I am sure, meant to be enough for four people.  It is breathtaking! My day moves on with some of my most committed and inspiring clientele, and then it's home to whip up some mac and cheese for two starving boys.  I also have two birthdays on Saturday, and by extension two glorious cakes to create, as the birthdays belong to two of my most treasured people.  One cake will be a pecan pie cake: 3 layers of pecan and coconut-studded white butter cake, filled with a pecan pie-inspired custard, and topped with cream cheese frosting (what else for such a glorious Southern cake?).  The other is chocolate on chocolate, but with my very first go at gumpaste flowers, God help me.

But as much as I like talking about all that can be done with butter, flour, sugar, and eggs; these things pale in comparison to other things going on in my life right now.

We all struggle, and we all have varying degrees of strain and stress.  I have called myself a Christian since I was four, when the Gospel (or good news) seemed such a very simple concept: John 3:16.  I called myself a Christian without an issue until a decade ago, when my "Christian world" toppled over because of one man's very insensitive decision.  What does one man's decision have to do with the solidarity of the Gospel?  Well, nothing, really (in retrospect).  But when your life is so insanely busy with what you are doing for Christ that you forget who Christ really is- well, by God's grace you might help a few people, but others who look at your life and see your very shallow faith...well, their concept of Christianity is further cemented in another way completely.  So, after nearly 8 years of wandering around, looking for truth and concepts apart from the Gospel- a star, stability, something steadfast and strong- I never found it.

"It," however, found me.  And I guess I need to talk about that a bit later, as I am out of time.

Have a beautiful day.  Maybe a picture or two tomorrow.

Rachel Bee