Once upon a time, there was another really horrifying story...

In about a week and a half, the church I attend is honoring the men and women who have volunteered in the last year.  The event is called "The Big Show," aka "the Vollys," and if you don't remember last year's tutorials, please check them out!

The event is formal, so most of the women who are attending have been thinking of what dress to wear, hair, makeup- the usual.  But doing what I do, I do a lot of hair and makeup for formal events- and in the next week you'll read a few suggestions.

The Big Show is a bit earlier this year by a few months, and perhaps the invite caught some people off-guard.  If the recipients are anything like me, they gained a few pounds over the holidays; and the idea of wearing a formal dress right now is not the most thrilling.  Either a well timed crash-diet is in order, or you need to focus all the more on hair and makeup.  And this reminds me of a story.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a poor college student named Rachel.  She worked hard, volunteering at her church, making passing grades at her school, and working 20 hours a week at her local Starbucks (the maximum for international students).

Rachel rarely had extra money, but when she did, she chose to spend it on things like very large slices of cheesecake, CDs, and gummy snakes.  She could not be bothered with buying train tickets, paying her roommates back for prepaid phone cards, or planning for the future at all.  She was after all, 21- and living in a strange land.  If there was ever a time irresponsibility deserved to dwell, it was then and there.

At the end of term, there was a formal banquet she was to attend.  Earlier in the year, Rachel chose a dress from a sale rack.  It was a gold-toned halter dress, made of matte jersey.  It had a drop-waist and came just below the knee.  She tried the dress on, and it fit perfectly, with only one glitch: undergarments.

From all of that cheesecake Rachel had been eating, she developed a very ample bosom.  She had never found strapless bras to be very effective for her size, and it didn't matter at the time, as she had no money.  So Rachel stood in her small living room, and tried every trick of the trade known to womankind.  She tried cutting straps off of bras, band aids, tank-tops, and finally settled on two squares of toilet paper, suspended by nothing else but the subtle pressure of matte jersey.  Then she resolved that she must make her hair as large and obnoxious as possible to detract from the fact that she was wearing toilet paper for a bra.  Something like... a straw set.

The event hosted around 900 guests and she changed in the restroom (she was early- did I mention she was an emcee???) .  She emerged from the stall in toilet-papered glory, and while twirling to be sure everything was in tact, she discovered that her old, faithful leopard print undies were completely bunched up under her dress.  She pulled, tugged, and thought of how another square of tp could remedy the situation.  Hopeless, she yanked the undies off, put them in her bag, and bravely headed to the stage with nothing but a swatch of fabric, toilet paper, and really fabulous hair.

The night went off without a glitch, and despite walking with robot-like discomfort, all she heard all night was how amazing her hair looked.

The End.

It is my hope that no one's situation is that desperate (and if it is, call me), but please stay tuned for great ideas for your hair in the next week.  I can't wait to see all of my friends dolled up and decked out.

Have a great day!

Rachel Bee

So Anyways...

We have two monitors to our computer, and I couldn't be more grateful.

Most of the time one screen plays an episode of vintage Donald Duck, Little Einsteins, or Babar and Badou; while the other is reserved for mommy or daddy business, such as reading the news or writing a blog.  Last night Langston watched Tinga Tales while I surfed for video hair tutorials.  But this afternoon, Langston is happy to play with his trains, while I watch Seinfeld's "Little Kicks" and write today's blog- a much better and brighter post than the last.

Over Christmas I made this cake for a friend of ours.  He used to live somewhere in California, where his wife worked at a bakery that sold a Toffee Coffee Cake.

Now, I have never made toffee, and that is for good reason: I do not like it.  I am not sure if it is the flavor or texture or what, but I simply don't like it.  Having worked for Starbucks for years, I do know however that a Toffee Nut Latte was a pretty popular drink.  I figured it was worth a go.

The toffee was very simple to make, although it was ugly.  Something went wrong with spreading the chocolate, but overall it set very well and tasted like toffee (bleck).  He wanted a classic butter cake for the base, and the Coffee Cream Cheese Frosting was intensely delicious.  Like, extra delicious.  Like, make-extra-so-that-you-can-find-a-corner-somewhere-and-have-your-way-with-it delicious.

Really.  Delicious.

So here's to hoping you get a moment for yourself today, and if you get a couple of moments, make this cake for you and yours.

Recipe tomorrow...

Rachel Bee

Caketastrophy...

It's a nice enough cake.

If you like that sort of thing.

If birds, branches, and other dainty girl things peak your interest, you might like this cake.  If you like vats of Maple Cream Cheese Frosting, and piles of Spice Cake...

... and even more layers

... then this cake could have been for you.  That cake, and three others.  And about 2 weeks ago, I could have given you a really good deal on one.  I was selling them for really nothing at all- for holiday parties, birthdays, personal fat days, whatever occasion you had- I could have frantically delivered a cake to your door.

Really.

For whatever occasion, except the one for which the monster was created.

As you can probably tell, this cake was a wedding cake, but it was a bit late to the altar.  Now, before you label little ol' me as "the worst person in the world" (as I did myself, about 1000 times), hear me out.

...

...

OK.  Now you can.  Label me as such.  But the story begins in March of last year, when for whatever reason I decided to put an ad on Craigslist for wedding cake.  It was even a silly ad- completely honest and completely silly- explaining how I had never baked a wedding cake, but had a hankering to do so.

And you wouldn't believe the response.  Really.  So many people responded with orders for "pink and black cupcakes with swirly designs," and "autumn cake with leaves," among many, many others.  "H" was one of those girls hungry for a deal on cake, and boy, did I offer her a deal!

We emailed lazily back and forth for months, and a few months ago we set up a cake tasting, which she had set up with not only her fiance, but she also brought her parents (or in-laws), and her two children.  Of course I was expecting her hubs, but the entourage I was not, and the "coffee shop" where we met had cupcakes in the case that by looks blew mine completely out of the water!  Add the shop owner who by rule wanted to kick me and my cupcakes to the curb, and I was one nerve-wrecked little girl!

Regardless, the meeting went really well, and I really loved "H" and her family.  I am sure we talked about the date and location... but did I write it down?  No.  I'd remember it.  It was, after all, my first wedding.  How could I forget a day like that?

Fast forward a month or two, and I received an email to "be sure everything is OK for next week."  "Honestly," I wrote, "I thought your wedding was New Years, so that's awful!  So next Saturday, can I deliver your cakes after work, say at around 6?"

"That's fine,  The reception isn't until 8."

So all week, I planned and made perfect, baking three enormous cakes for a girl I had grown to really like.  And as I was piping the middle tier on Friday night, I took a break to check my email at around 11:30 PM.  There, tucked into my spam folder were two frantic letters from "H," wondering where the heck her cakes were.

I stood, bent over, my face a mere 3 inches from the screen, feeling as if I had gone completely mad.  I paced and wondered, scouring emails and spam folders, wondering if she had corrected me when I said "Saturday" a week earlier.  The only email I found from her containing the date of the wedding was from the initial email in March in response to the Craigslist post.  Why didn't I write a contract?  Why didn't I write it down on my calendar?  You've got to be kidding me!  Why did this happen?  Why did it happen to me, but also, why did it happen to her?  I have ruined her wedding!

So I sent her an email, blubbering and bawling the whole way, promising her money back (long gone, and the week before Christmas), and I believe referring to myself as some degree of ogre.  She was professional in her response, and later I did some stalking on the internet and found pictures of her, gorgeous and without mascara down her cheeks (Publix cakes lurking in the shadows).

Now, I started writing about this a week ago or more, but it didn't seem right to share until today (today, being New Years morning at 4AM).  I can't say that that this morning dawns a new beginning for me in any way more than a calendar change, as I have never been much for New Years shenanigans.  It just took me this long to be able to share this failure with you, and to be able to say that I am not done with baking.

And in all of your planning for the new year, to tell you that it is OK to fail.  And expect to fail, especially if you're really good at stuff.  Even if it is your one-year blog-aversary.

Because stuff happens.  And stuff only makes you better, or so they say.

Still baking,

Rachel Bee

Biscoff: get some...

I enjoy what I do.  Baking cupcakes, doing hair, and singing on the weekends... how God has blessed me!

And this morning, I really don't want to say anything else.

Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream

But if I must, these are Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream.

Biscoff.  I stumbled upon it in a recipe one afternoon, and I did nearly an hour's research with cloudy results.  Is it a paste?  Is it a cookie?  Wait- it's a spread made of cookies?  What?  How is this possible?  And nearly a month ago, I found out.  All of the sudden, Biscoff spread popped up everywhere, and at a moderately decent price (now it seems to be back up at $4.99).  I went to my local Kroger and picked up a jar, and yes- it is made of 52% cookies, brown sugar, some other ingredients, and oil to bring it all together.  It is smooth and creamy, with a consistency that is very similar to peanut butter.  In fact, the label declares that it is "Europe's alternative to peanut butter," which is ridiculous on many levels, including the fact that there is NO nutritional value aside from caloric content in a jar of Biscoff.

However, if while eating a bagel one day you wondered if you could combine your love of bagel-consumption with your love of cookies, but you thought it might make you choke- think again.  Buy a jar of Biscoff and fight the urge to not only spread it on said bakery item, but also apples, crackers, a large spoon, or throw it into some frosting for goodness' sake.

As if I needed another Nutella.

Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream

Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream

Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream (adapted from Couture Cupcakes)
For the Poaching:
2 Large or 3 medium-size pears (I used Bartlett)
1/4 C honey
1 2/3 C sugar
3 cups water

For the cake:
1/2 C unsalted butter, softened
1/2 C white sugar
1/2 C brown sugar
2 eggs, room temperature
1 t vanilla extract
1 2/3 C self-rising flour
1/2 C buttermilk, room temperature
1 poached pear, mashed
1 poached pear, sliced

For the frosting:
2 sticks of butter, softened
1/2 block cream cheese, softened
1/3 C Biscoff spread
3.5 C powdered sugar, sifted
2 t vanilla extract

To poach the pears, combine the sugar, honey, and water in a sauce pan. Bring to a boil, and let simmer for 10 minutes.  Add the pears, and simmer for 20 minutes.  Remove from the heat and let cool before you refrigerate them overnight in their poaching liquid.

For the cake, cream the butter and sugars together until light and fluffy.  Add the eggs one at a time, beat thoroughly after each addition.  Add the vanilla extract.

In three additions, add the flour, alternating with the buttermilk.  Begin and end with the flour!  Fold in the mashed pear.

Spoon into 20 (or so) prepared muffin cups (about 2/3-3/4 full), and place a slice of pear on top of each one.  Bake at 350 for 18-20 minutes, or until done.  Immediately remove from the muffin pans, and place on a baking rack to cool thoroughly.

For the frosting, cream together the butter, cream cheese, and Biscoff until smooth.  Add the sifted powdered sugar, and mix well.  Add the vanilla and beat well.

Assemble:  Frost the cakelets as desired, and sprinkle with crushed Biscoff cookies.  I also made little fondant pears, using cloves for the stems, and placed them on top.

Honey-Poached Pear Cupcakes with Biscoff Buttercream

So cute, I think.  And super delicious.

Biscoff.  Get some.  Or don't.  But do.  And if you do, throw it into some frosting.  Or an index finger.

Amen.

Rachel

Maybe just one last pumpkin dessert...

My house is noisy.  Always.

It is a symphony of singing, televisions, pots clanging, extreme emotion, dogs scratching, and usually a washer or dryer as well.  Tonight it is my son who is singing in his bed, "White Christmas" on the living room TV, "Community Season 2" in the bedroom, beds creaking, timers going off, and exuberant typing in the office.  The "Bees" are generally a quiet group everywhere else, but at home we are wide open.

I would be in a bed somewhere, except I agreed to baking a Lemon Layer Cake a few weeks ago, and here I am.  But I am tired, and I hate typing at night.  My brain is foggy.  But if I don't type tonight, you will have nothing Thanksgiving-y to read on Thanksgiving Eve; and I cannot begin to say how wrong that is.

So here I am, waiting for cake to cool, and about to share with you a dessert- the likes of which you are all to familiar with...

Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake.  I have been baking this cake long before I knew anything about baking, as it is about as easy as pie ...er cake.  As a St. Louis native, Gooey Butter cake graced my grandmother's table at most gatherings- long before Mrs. Dean cornered the market on all things "butter."  But I have to admit, my grandmother never ate a Pumpkin Gooey Butter Cake, and I do appreciated the "Lady" for developing the recipe.

If you are one who has never made this cake, hold on to your socks, as it is amazing.  The filling tastes like pumpkin pie, only with more butter, cream cheese, and sugar in it.  The crust is nothing but cake mix, an egg, and a stick of melted butter.  I really don't like the flavor of boxed cake mix anymore, but here it adds a texture that I am not sure can be replicated elsewhere.  All in all, it's worth a try!

You can find the recipe here, as I am waaaay too sleepy and lazy to type it out.  Actually, I fell asleep while typing last night, and it is now 5:00 AM and I have so much else to do.  True story!

Anyway, Have a very Happy Thanksgiving, and I'll see you next week!

Rachel Bee

"Choc-wate, pweeze?"

I know that brownies have very little to do with Thanksgiving, but the boys in my family love to eat them.  I have posted about brownies both here and here, all of the cocoa variety as I am too cheap to buy the literal pound of chocolate some require.  For me, brownies are a quick project.  They are soul food; belonging to the same category as mashed potatoes, meatloaf, and all things Sunday afternoon.  I whip up a batch of brownies when my husband starts perusing our sweet-less pantry with a wilted look- when my son so sweetly looks up at me and says with a crooked grin, "choc-wate?"  I make them when I am up to my elbows in sweet potato, and I worry as my husband has received no love from our oven.

"Choc-wate, Pweeze?"

So here you go, another brownie post: so simple and nearly a guaranteed success, even for those of you who are box addicts.

Hershey's Best Brownies

Hershey's Best Brownies
1/2 cup butter, melted
1 cup sugar
2 eggs, room temperature
1 t vanilla extract
1/2 c ap flour
1/4 t baking powder
1/2 t salt
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/2 cup of whatever you want to dump in there ( I put in mini peanut butter cups)

Preheat the oven to 350.  Butter an 8x8 pan (sometimes I use a cake pan).  Set aside.

In a bowl, mix together the butter, sugar, and vanilla.  With a wooden spoon, incorporate the eggs.
In a separate bowl, whisk together the dry ingredients.  Add them to the butter mixture, and stir just until mixed.  Fold in your nuts, chocolate chips, or whatever else you want to put in there.
Spread into the prepared pan, and bake for 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.

Let them cool in the pan.  Cut and serve.

Hershey's Best Brownies

Delicious.  Enjoy, and tomorrow there will be something  bit more... Thanksgiving-y.

Rachel Bee

One last valiant effort...

I really must say that I am not a huge fan of sweet potato, or cooked orange veggies in general.  I don't care for the sweetness, nor do I really care for the texture.  The little fibers that run back and forth across the flesh of a sweet potato I find to be revolting as my teeth cut through them individually.  We never had sweet potatoes growing up, so I am going to assume that my parents don't care for them either.

Now, as the vegetable has received so much glory in recent years, believe me- I have tried to stomach them.  I have tried them roasted with exorbitant amounts of butter, cinnamon, and sugar.  I have tried them deep-fried with gallons of ketchup.  I have even pureed them with heavy cream to see if maybe, just maybe there is one circumstance when I could swallow them without grimace.  

In one final, valiant effort, I pureed a large roasted sweet potato and subbed it in for pumpkin in my Pumpkin Spice Cake.  One bite of this tender cake and... sold.  Top it with Brown Sugar Toasted Marshmallow Frosting, and call it "pretty darn palatable."  

Oh, and did I mention it was a purple sweet potato?

Purple Sweet Potato Puree

Yes, God's makes purple sweet potatoes, and above is the actual sweet potato puree mixed with some buttermilk.  Wow.  And here it is in cupcake form...

Purple Sweet Potato Cupcakes

The cake was a bit more purple when I baked it, but it oxidized overnight (which was awfully disappointing).  Regardless, I think it is still pretty pleasant on the eyes...

Purple Sweet Potato Cupcakes

With Candied Pecans

And for a finishing touch, I candied a handful of pecans.  Good decision, I think...

Purple Sweet Potato Cupcakes with Toasted Brown Sugar Marshmallow Frosting

I found my purple sweet potato at the Fresh Market, which is an upscale although not necessarily natural grocery store.  I am sure regular orange sweet potatoes will be just fine!

Purple Sweet Potato Cupcakes with Toasted Brown Sugar Marshmallow Frosting and Candied Pecans

(should make @16)

For the cake:

1 purple sweet potato, roasted (enough to make 1 cup of puree)

1/2 cup buttermilk

1 t vanilla extract

1 stick of unsalted butter, softened

1 1/4 cups brown sugar

2 eggs, room temperature

1 1/2 cups ap flour

1/4 cup corn starch 

1 t soda

1/2 t kosher salt

1/4 t baking powder

1 t cinnamon

1/2 t ground ginger

1/4 t ground nutmeg or cloves

Puree 1 cup of the sweet potato with the buttermilk and vanilla.  Set aside.

Preheat the oven to 350.  Put liners in muffin tins.

Cream the brown sugar with the butter until fluffy, scraping the bowl down on occasion.  

Add the eggs one at a time, beating completely into the batter.  

In a separate bowl, sift together all of the dry ingredients.  Add the dry ingredients in 3 additions, alternating with the puree. BEGIN AND END WITH THE DRY!  Really scrape down the sides and bottom of your bowl between additions.  You don't want beige streaks in your cupcakes.

When the ingredients are fully incorporated, fill the muffin cups all the way to the top.  Bake for 18-20 minutes, and put individual cakes on a cooling rack immediately.  

For the Frosting...

6 egg whites

1 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1/4+1/8 t cream of tartar

2 t vanilla paste or extract

In the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a double-boiler), mix the sugar with the egg whites.  Place the bowl over a simmering pot of water, and stir constantly until a candy thermometer reads 160 degrees.  Pull from the heat, and beat on high.  Sprinkle in the cream of tartar, and beat for 6-7 minutes.  The frosting should be ultra-stiff at this point.  Add the vanilla, and blend to incorporate.  

Pile the frosting on the cooled cupcakes, and singe the exterior with a kitchen torch.  

Top with...

Candied Pecans!

1/2-1/4 of an egg white

@1/4 cup brown sugar

pinch of cinnamon

pinch of nutmeg

pinch of whatever other spices you want to throw in there...

pinch of kosher salt

1/2 cup pecan halves

Combine the egg white, sugar, salt, and spices in a small bowl to make a viscous syrup.  Toss in the pecans and stir to coat.  Pour onto a cookie sheet lined with wax paper, and spread out until even.  Put in a oven preheated to 275, and bake for 15 minutes.  When they cooled, I broke them apart and placed a few on each cupcake.  And a few in my mouth.  

Yum.  Enjoy!